[ He seems incredibly amused by this conversation, but not mockingly so. Just the fact that it’s come up at all is comical in and of itself. Joly and Bossuet would find the humor in it, but he thinks Jehan would not. ]
But I’m grateful for your blessing. If I should ever find the money or the drive required to keep a mistress, for your sake, I will continue to keep it none of your concern.
[ Meaning he will indeed keep such matters private. But he’s never going to find the money or drive to keep a mistress. ]
[That seems a fair arrangement. After a moment's thought, Enjolras nods.]
Another reason for you to find some employment for your time, perhaps? [He seems to recall Courfeyrac bemoaning the cost of a mistress on many occasions.
Enjolras, naturally, wants the man to get a job to help with the rent, but if this is a way to encourage him to do so, he'll take it.]
[ Now he laughs. His money from home went to the typical every day expenses: food, rent, gambling, alcohol. He expects that any money earned here will go much the same way, and he has no real desire for a mistress, but he allows Enjolras this argument. It doesn’t need to go on much longer than it already has. ]
I have been searching.
[ He hasn’t really, but he did put in an inquiry. ]
I’ve been told the dragon sanctuary is in need of hands, and I’m fortunate enough to have two, both of which seem to be in perfectly good working order.
[Another thing Enjolras shouldn't be surprised about and yet is: that Grantaire has actually looked into the matter himself. He doesn't succeed in hiding his surprise]
The dragon sanctury? [It's something entirely outside his experience.]
[ He only smiles at Enjolras and his inability to hide his surprise. He has hardly looked into the matter at all, but at least he's done something. ]
Of all places, but I imagine it requires no skill to clean up after one of those beasts. It could only be similar to mucking out a horse’s stall, but on a grander scale.
[ This is just what he imagines, of course. He hasn’t actually pursued it further, but he could. ]
[ He isn’t exactly excited by the idea of working. He’s never actually worked in his life, and he is commonly known to fail at nearly everything he does, but he’s in a particularly good mood today. It’s an outlook that could easily come crashing down by morning, but for now, he speaks positively. ]
Of course. Horses don’t very often breathe fire, unless Ares has decided join us with his blazing steeds now.
[ He speaks lightly about the topic, but this is Grantaire. ]
You've found little else because- [It's a day or miracles. Enjolras is away from his books, is speaking about non-revolutionary matters, and has managed to hold his tongue at Grantaire. His lips press in a firm line, his stern look finishing the thought- Grantaire has not found much because he has not looked for much.
But there is potentially a job now.] You should enquire for fruther details as soon as we're back in Wyver.
[ Grantaire wouldn’t even be able to argue with him if he did finish that sentence, because Grantaire hasn’t searched terribly hard for employment at all. He grows discouraged too easily, genuinely believing himself to be useless and talentless, but he desperately wants to be of use, and he had stumbled upon the dragon sanctuary by chance through a conversation with Daenerys.
That firm look from Enjolras doesn’t cause his smile to falter. If anything, his expression only softens. ]
I already have. I’ve been told that the sanctuary is large enough that it is nearly always in need of more help. It would only be as much as saying that I wish to offer my services.
[ And maybe not showing up dead drunk in the middle of the day. ]
[This second surprise (Grantaire taking the initiative! Enless miracles) does not shock Enjolras that he fails to notice Grantaire's expression. It's not the first time he's noticed it, but like the other times it's beyond him.
[ That suggestion, Grantaire simply shrugs off with a vague smile. It isn’t that he doesn’t care. He understands that his drinking is a burden on others. It turns him into something of a nuisance and causes his friends to worry for him, but if it were as easy as simply turning off the habit, he would have done it a long time ago just to ease their concern. ]
I fear that I would be amiss if I were to curb my drinking for as long as you would like me to.
[ He feels worse when he goes without. It really is a problem. ]
[ He’s seen drunks who have it worse than he does. He’s seen drunks who can hardly speak, who can hardly walk, or simply end up sleeping passed out in the gutters with their pockets emptied out because they don’t manage to get themselves home, but he doesn’t judge them. There’s nothing that really separates himself from them. One drink more or one misstep and he could easily become one of those men.
He knows he relies on wine far too much, and for far too many things, but he doesn’t know how to stop. ]
I do love wine. I think it would be rather pointless to claim the opposite after all this time, but Joly liked wine. Bossuet liked wine as well. The two of them just liked it less than I do.
[ The difference is that they have a healthy relationship with it. He hesitates slightly, wondering if he should continue. He's experimented, trying his best to drink less, but it's just another thing he's failed at. Since they've already fallen into this conversation, though... ]
If I stop drinking for too long, I feel wrong. Sometimes I see things and I hear things that can’t possibly be there at all, so I say it’s best not to stop at all, really. As I said, I do love wine. It is the best possible outcome.
[Can a man understand another's experience when it is wholly foreign to him? Enjolras attempts it.]
It cannot be for the best if it will prevent you attaining employment. [He's aware this is all still hypothetical. The world of employment is a mystery to Enjolras as well, beyond the work he's managed to find for himself. Perhaps some employers do not mind?
But there is another issue: through some miracle he and Grantaire are friends- and so Enjolras cannot simply let a friend speak so casually of hearing and seeing things. (He holds his tongue on that a while longer, though. He still has to martial his thoughts.)]
[ Grantaire has an incredible skill when it comes to speaking casually of dark things. He speaks flippantly of death and of his own health, and now he doesn’t shy away from speaking so informally of hallucinations.
But he is hesitant despite his easy words. It’s subtle, but he fidgets with those glasses, lets his gaze drift off across the horizon, doesn’t weave his words nearly as eloquently as he usually does. He isn’t proud. ]
Has it prevented me? I haven’t tried yet. Perhaps we should carry on with this conversation later, after I’ve made a true attempt at employment.
You will- [Enjolras begins with his usual passion, then stops. In the heartbeat's pause that follows, he looks suddenly uncertain.] you will allow me to help you, however possible, won't you?
[They are friends of a sort, and this is what friends do for each other, he knows. He does not know how he can help, though. This is beyond his knowledge.]
[ This surprises him. The others have offered him help before for various different problems, grievances or ailments, but this is the first time that Enjolras has offered anything beyond a blunt suggestion.
What surprises him most, however, is how Enjolras’ expression dips into uncertainty. Has Grantaire ever seen hesitation or ambivalence on his face? Perhaps not. Not when it seems so wrong. ]
I will.
[ What can he do but accept? Enjolras doesn’t have to offer this to him, particularly when he doesn't see particularly sure of himself. ]
[ That’s true. Grantaire has, for as long as he can remember, had a very pessimistic view of life in general. Why shouldn’t he? He’s reached for happiness and he’s failed, so he sees no reason to paint life any rosier than it needs be. ]
I certainly do not. I have a handful of hopes, despite what I may say at most times, and the spirits are what keep me in good spirits.
[ He laughs, knowing well that the wine drags him down just as much as anything else if he’s had enough. ]
I don’t wish to waste your time, and no part of you is obligated to help me, but I thought a warning might be in order if you did choose to do so.
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[ He seems incredibly amused by this conversation, but not mockingly so. Just the fact that it’s come up at all is comical in and of itself. Joly and Bossuet would find the humor in it, but he thinks Jehan would not. ]
But I’m grateful for your blessing. If I should ever find the money or the drive required to keep a mistress, for your sake, I will continue to keep it none of your concern.
[ Meaning he will indeed keep such matters private. But he’s never going to find the money or drive to keep a mistress. ]
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Another reason for you to find some employment for your time, perhaps? [He seems to recall Courfeyrac bemoaning the cost of a mistress on many occasions.
Enjolras, naturally, wants the man to get a job to help with the rent, but if this is a way to encourage him to do so, he'll take it.]
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I have been searching.
[ He hasn’t really, but he did put in an inquiry. ]
I’ve been told the dragon sanctuary is in need of hands, and I’m fortunate enough to have two, both of which seem to be in perfectly good working order.
[ Could spell disaster, really. ]
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The dragon sanctury? [It's something entirely outside his experience.]
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Of all places, but I imagine it requires no skill to clean up after one of those beasts. It could only be similar to mucking out a horse’s stall, but on a grander scale.
[ This is just what he imagines, of course. He hasn’t actually pursued it further, but he could. ]
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Would it not be more dangerous? [Dragons are not exactly horses.]
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Of course. Horses don’t very often breathe fire, unless Ares has decided join us with his blazing steeds now.
[ He speaks lightly about the topic, but this is Grantaire. ]
I’ve found little else.
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But there is potentially a job now.] You should enquire for fruther details as soon as we're back in Wyver.
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That firm look from Enjolras doesn’t cause his smile to falter. If anything, his expression only softens. ]
I already have. I’ve been told that the sanctuary is large enough that it is nearly always in need of more help. It would only be as much as saying that I wish to offer my services.
[ And maybe not showing up dead drunk in the middle of the day. ]
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Hm.]
Curbing your drinking wouldn't go amiss either.
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I fear that I would be amiss if I were to curb my drinking for as long as you would like me to.
[ He feels worse when he goes without. It really is a problem. ]
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A man needs air, food, rest, and shelter. One can live without wine. [He puts it forward like he would any political idea. Surely he's right.]
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[ He’s seen drunks who have it worse than he does. He’s seen drunks who can hardly speak, who can hardly walk, or simply end up sleeping passed out in the gutters with their pockets emptied out because they don’t manage to get themselves home, but he doesn’t judge them. There’s nothing that really separates himself from them. One drink more or one misstep and he could easily become one of those men.
He knows he relies on wine far too much, and for far too many things, but he doesn’t know how to stop. ]
I do love wine. I think it would be rather pointless to claim the opposite after all this time, but Joly liked wine. Bossuet liked wine as well. The two of them just liked it less than I do.
[ The difference is that they have a healthy relationship with it. He hesitates slightly, wondering if he should continue. He's experimented, trying his best to drink less, but it's just another thing he's failed at. Since they've already fallen into this conversation, though... ]
If I stop drinking for too long, I feel wrong. Sometimes I see things and I hear things that can’t possibly be there at all, so I say it’s best not to stop at all, really. As I said, I do love wine. It is the best possible outcome.
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It cannot be for the best if it will prevent you attaining employment. [He's aware this is all still hypothetical. The world of employment is a mystery to Enjolras as well, beyond the work he's managed to find for himself. Perhaps some employers do not mind?
But there is another issue: through some miracle he and Grantaire are friends- and so Enjolras cannot simply let a friend speak so casually of hearing and seeing things. (He holds his tongue on that a while longer, though. He still has to martial his thoughts.)]
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But he is hesitant despite his easy words. It’s subtle, but he fidgets with those glasses, lets his gaze drift off across the horizon, doesn’t weave his words nearly as eloquently as he usually does. He isn’t proud. ]
Has it prevented me? I haven’t tried yet. Perhaps we should carry on with this conversation later, after I’ve made a true attempt at employment.
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[They are friends of a sort, and this is what friends do for each other, he knows. He does not know how he can help, though. This is beyond his knowledge.]
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What surprises him most, however, is how Enjolras’ expression dips into uncertainty. Has Grantaire ever seen hesitation or ambivalence on his face? Perhaps not. Not when it seems so wrong. ]
I will.
[ What can he do but accept? Enjolras doesn’t have to offer this to him, particularly when he doesn't see particularly sure of himself. ]
But I think it may be hopeless.
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Hopeless? I'd put more stock in that opinion if you didn't think the same about everything.
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I certainly do not. I have a handful of hopes, despite what I may say at most times, and the spirits are what keep me in good spirits.
[ He laughs, knowing well that the wine drags him down just as much as anything else if he’s had enough. ]
I don’t wish to waste your time, and no part of you is obligated to help me, but I thought a warning might be in order if you did choose to do so.